I've posted about having no energy before, and yes, that is part of depression, but as we all know, depression is sadness. Today I'm depressed. I don't get this side of it very often. I'm more often than not in a hypo-manic or mixed state. I don't necessarily like feeling like that, but I must say... I hate this.
Let's take a ride into the twisted thing that is my mind... Like I said, I have no energy, and I talked about sleeping too much. That's so true right now. But I also just want to hide in a corner and cry. I'm also incredibly unfocused. It's taken literally ten minutes just to type this much. And I've noticed that I'm a serial pessimist today as well.
Now, I don't know about depression as a solo disorder, but for me, it's like I can feel my emotions physically as well as mentally. It's kinda difficult to explain, but when I have a breakdown, it physically hurts beyond any pain I've ever felt.
This is so scattered. I'm sorry!
Anyway... I know how to handle the hypo, mixed, and even the breakdowns, but this depression is kind of killing me. It's not like a normal low for me. I've not got the sense hopelessness that usually comes with this. I'm just tired, sad, and very cranky. I've been around a few friends today, but they had no clue. I said I didn't feel too well, but I still didn't act it. I'll more than likely never show any emotion to anyone but family. That's actually why it took so long to get a diagnosis.
Sorry. This is beyond scattered. But this blog is not only educational ;) it's also very cathartic for me.