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Monday, December 21, 2015

Go. No, Stay!

It's just what I do.

I took one of those random quizzes you find on Facebook about finding your deepest fear. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I'm a little too superstitious when it comes to voicing (or typing) my greatest fear, but I took the stupid quiz anyway. I wasn't expecting the weirdly telling result I got.

"Fear of intimacy."

It went on to say how it meant I was a free spirit and how the thought of being tied down was terrifying. At first, I thought it was a load of crap, but as I thought about it, it became clear just how right it was. Not just romantically. I see it in the friendships I make.

"How?" you may ask? Allow me to 'splain.

At the moment, the newest friend I have, I mean like can-talk-about-anything kind of friend, I met when I was sixteen. Since leaving high school, my "friendships" usually last two, maybe three months. After that, I pull away, do something crazy (don't ask), or become the wicked witch of the west. Even my online friendships. I had been communicating with a few of my long lost cousins through Facebook, but again, a couple of months later... I backed off.

I don't know why I do this, and I'd love to stop. I'm always complaining about how alone I am or how I don't have any friends around, but the truth is, it's my own stupid fault. I'm the one pushing people away.

"Please Don't Leave Me"~ P!nk

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