5 years ago, I had to have my leg broken, twisted, and pinned. I was stuck in a wheelchair for a few weeks. A year after that, I had to have my Achilles lengthened, putting me back in the chair. Unable to really walk well and confidently, I quickly gained 70 pounds. This, as you can imagine, took a huge toll on my self esteem. Before that, I had started dressing somewhat fashionably and doing my hair and makeup. I looked like a girl!
With the weight also came depression. I kept telling myself that I was fat. I started wearing whatever was cheap and that fit, stopped doing my hair, and only wore basic makeup. I told myself that exercise was pointless because I was fat (our justification when depressed is a bit off).
Last month, I started using the treadmill in my basement. At first, fifteen minutes was nearly impossible. Monday night, however, I made it to 51 minutes! My leg tends to protest until I get it really warmed up, but it's starting to hurt later and later into my workout!
My depression also seems to let up a bit while I'm working out and a little while after. I may keep losing and regaining the same two pounds, but the effect exercising is having on just my leg makes it worth it! The last time I was able to use my leg that much with little-to-no pain was when I was ten years old!
Bad segue in 3... 2... 1...
I'm still falling into a deep depression. Most psychiatrists will say to come in sooner than your appointment of things get hard. I've never taken them up on this. Until today, that is. I actually called in and asked to see my doctor sooner. I get to see her tomorrow. Here's hoping for a brighter week ahead.
Again, I wrote this on my phone, so no song today. Sorry!
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