Hammers & Swords

Everyone has tools to get through life. On the other side, we also have weapons which hurt, not only others, but ourselves as well. Sometimes, what we see as a tool is actually a weapon.

Allow me to expand...

When I was in high school, I didn't have a name for anything I was going through, but thinking back I realize that I had severe anxiety even back then. I had a hard time sitting in a classroom, usually with the door closed, with that many people. This resulted in me skipping nearly every class every day. One of my therapists says that it was my tool because it was keeping me safe (and sane).

I have a tendency to push people away. I hurt them before they get the chance to hurt me. This is obviously my weapon. It hurts me and the person I'm pushing away.

My blog sits in the grey area between tool and weapon. It allows me to get my feelings out, and even helps me understand why I feel the way I do. But sometimes, I use it to let my anger toward certain people and behaviors run wild.

I guess the only way to determine if you're using a tool or a weapon is to step back from the behavior and ask yourself, "Is this helpful?" The more tools we have, the easier life can be.

My therapist and I were talking about this yesterday, and I thought that maybe some of you would find this helpful.

This has always been one of my favorite songs.
"Hold On"~ Wilson Phillips