About Me

My photo
I have found the world's best mac & cheese!

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Aspirations

Here goes nothing other than a couple hundred bucks...

Since I lost part of my hearing, I’ve been doing the best I can learning American Sign Language with the help of a printed dictionary as well as a dictionary app. I took  two years of ASL in high school, so I know the basics, but I will never sign properly. 

ASL is a language all its own. It’s got different sentence structure than we English-speakers are used to. I’ve worked on Spanish, Italian, and Dutch, but have yet to grasp their sentence structures. So basically I’m stuck using ASL signs in English order. This will inevitably irritate at least ninety percent of the deaf/hard-of-hearing community. Ask me if I care. As long as I can understand the sign, communication will be attainable.

I had an idea (which will also irritate signers everywhere) to make music videos using sign. This will basically be me doing the best I can while asking the community for help refining my skills. I’ve gotten myself just about everything I need to do this, including a tripod, microphone, and an actual camera bag to carry everything.

So, if you happen to be a signer (deaf or hearing), I could really use some help. I will continue to lose more and more of my hearing and will need to be able to communicate. Yes, I could take classes, but I dare you to do that when you, A- have exactly zero dollars, and B- can’t be around people for that long or that often.

I will set up an email to go along with my (attempt at a) YouTube channel for corrections, suggestions, or any help you can offer. All will be appreciated.

Monday, March 25, 2019

Explosion Imminent

I’m done holding back.

My whole life, most people have treated me poorly. Even friends. It’s always been, “Don’t do this, can’t say that. You have to be peaches and cream toward me, while I can treat you however I want. But if you even try standing up for yourself, I’ll just yell at you more.” This started at an early age and has never stopped. 

Family, friends, and one particular person in my extended family I’d really like to punch in the face. Repeatedly. 

I learned this lesson rather slowly, but by age nine, I learned which people to talk to about what, and which people would simply justify the actions of others. My father’s and sister’s actions were always justified and defended. Small wonder I can’t stand either of them.

That said, I had a few who were always on my side and condemned the actions of abusers. My guardian angels. One woman in particular lived just down the street from me, was involved in my life quite a bit (still is), and would get on Brooke’s case whenever she was on mine. 

To this day, I test the water with every single person I come across to find out what I can or can’t say. Starting with a new therapist takes quite a while for me. Often, I don’t say much for a few months.

So fair warning, I will not put up with being pushed down anymore. You expect me to me super nice, you’d better treat me the same. Because I promise you, I will let you know if you’re being uber jerk.

Friday, March 15, 2019

Yay...

Fan-freaking-tastic.

Four posts ago, I told y’all about a mysterious problem with my foot. I’ve known what it is for quite a while, but haven’t posted. No, I’m not dying, I simply haven’t thought about posting it.

So this mysterious problem is called Dystonia. It causes my foot to move on its own. All. The. Time. When I walk, my toes curl which makes it both difficult and painful. This started nearly two years ago. I went to doctor after doctor, two of whom told me I was imagining it and just needed to see a psychiatrist. I finally went to a neurologist who informed me that it was caused by Latuda. I figured this before and asked my med manager to switch me to something else. However, the neurologist told me there are like four meds I can take which don’t cause Dystonia. I’m on one of those now: Seroquel.

As you can imagine, this has taken quite a toll on me physically and emotionally. I used to be quite active, but now I can walk about five minutes without wanting to chop off my foot. I’ve gained weight because of this. That made me more depressed, and it’s just been a vicious cycle. Less movement causes more depression, which causes less movement. Yay side effects.

WebMD defines Dystonia:
Dystonia seems to be related to a problem in the basal ganglia. That's the area of the brain that is responsible for initiating muscle contractions. The problem involves the way the nerve cells communicate. Acquired dystonia is caused by damage to the basal ganglia.

It can last a few years or even be lifelong. All because I took a drug I didn’t want to take in the first place because I had heard about the side effects. My then med manager insisted that it was safe and I had nothing to worry about. That’s the last time I let anyone tell me to take a med I don’t want to take. 

Listen to your instincts. If you feel strongly about a medication, speak up. You know your mind and body better than anyone else.