Blasted Phones

Irritating. No... infuriating.

You know when you go literally anywhere, and you see teenagers "hanging out" with each one with their nose buried in their phone? That's my life with my mom. 

A solid 90% of the day, you can catch her with her nose buried in her phone. When I try to show her something, or, heaven forbid, talk to her, I get a half angry, half sigh, "What?!" What is she doing the other 10% of the day? Word searches, which get me the same reactions. 

Mom, I get that you're retired. I get that you can read or do other things while the TV is on. But do you really have to bury your nose so far into these things, where literally anything I do or say is an annoyance to you? When you were working at the office, you'd get annoyed at Henry (as in Henry VIII, notorious tyrant) in the evening, because he'd talk and talk and talk. Then you justified it with "He doesn't have anyone to talk to during the day". Fun fact: Neither do I! You're it! I can text my friends, but they all have lives, families, jobs, and are between 50 and 2,000 miles away. I'm not attention whore, but it would be nice to actually have a conversation that isn't interrupted by something on your phone.

I know you'll say something to the effect of, "You're on yours, too", but guess what... It's because I have nothing to do! And even at that, I'm on it a solid 75% less than you are!

I'm gonna make you a bet. You can choose to accept, or decide to continue blocking out the real world, like today's teenagers do. Your choice. I bet that you can't go one whole day without Facebook, news, or anything online. Text and phone calls, only.

One. Whole. Day.

24 hours.

No internet.

No Facebook.

Nothing.

One-Way Friendships

I won't make this mistake, again.

I was just thinking about something that I wanted to put out there for anyone who needs to hear it...

Quite a few years ago, my "sister" was cleaning out some of her stuff. One thing she was chucking was a dolphin statue. I had a friend, Kasey, who I hadn't spoken to in a couple years, but I knew likes dolphins. I contacted her, asked her if she wanted it, drove out to her place, and gave it to her. The thanks I got? I got deleted as a friend on Facebook. If you didn't want to be a friend, why the hell did you accept that?! Super person...

A few years later, I bought the full set of "Game of Thrones" books, but wasn't liking them. I knew my friend, Jake, in another state was a big fan. I asked if he wanted them, spent a ridiculous amount to send him the books, and he immediately stopped talking to me. You childish jackass. Do you drop everyone who gives you something?

I've always had a problem with being a giver. I see something, and I'll think of someone I could give it to. That's the difference between me and my "sister", and it's the chief reason we no longer speak. I'm an habitual giver, she's a chronic taker. Apparently she's not the only one.

These so-called friends, showed their true colors, and to be honest, I'm glad they did. I don't need ungrateful assholes in my life. There was a time when I was close to these two, but like so many, they couldn't handle anything outside their "puppies and sunshine" worlds. Even if the person disrupting it was apologizing for past wrongs.

People like this are toxic. If you're unfortunate enough to have one in your life, don't make the mistake of crying when they've left you. They obviously aren't your friends. Take a moment, be sad, then realize how much you're worth. You deserve real friends who treat you with the same kindness that you treat them with.

You are better than these types of people.

Max Level Ignorance

Always the scapegoat...

Every time there's a shooting, people blame one of two things: guns or mental illness. Fun fact: it's neither.

I have a gun. I loaded it, set it on the table, faced it towards me, and I'm still waiting for it to shoot me. I'm beginning to think it's defective...

I have mental illness. I wasn't properly medicated until after I turned 30. I've never even threatened to shoot anyone. I'm beginning to think I don't actually have an illness...

Why have these two things not happened? Because pulling the trigger is a choice.

There are millions upon millions of people suffering with some kind of mental illness. Less than half a percent of that number go on shooting rampages. Blaming mental illness is your ignorant way of trying to create awareness, but in actuality, you're creating more fear. It's not a mental health issue, it a societal issue.

Mental illness AND guns have been around a lot longer than mass shootings. Stop trying to blame them for the lack of self control and anger management, created by the "me first, and always" world we live in, today. People don't know how to deal with someone they disagree with, someone who has hurt their widdle feewings, or someone who simply didn't use their signal before changing lanes.

Stop. Blaming. Mental. Illness.

Pass/Fail

Step one: Pass. Step two: Fail.

As we all know, the first step is to admit you have a problem. The second step is to ask for help. I haven't had a problem with that second step. At least, not in a few years. Today, for the third time in a row, I chickened out.

Thanks to the constant, relentless abuse from the narcissist, the king narc, specifically, I have a serious problem when it comes to expressing anger in a psychologically healthy way. Whenever I'd get angry (which happened quite a lot when I was a kid), the narc would do one of two things: Make fun of me, so I couldn't get a word out, or spank me. Yes, really. 

This has stuck with me, to this day. Now, when I get angry, I can rant, I can write, but I literally shake the whole time, and it can take weeks to really get over it. However, the hardest part is when someone is taking their anger out on me. 

People suck. Anyone who has been in any kind of customer service position, knows this. Anyone who has been on social media for 0.3 seconds, also knows this. People take their anger and frustration out on the nearest person, or the person they've deemed as having done or said something "wrong". My own theory is that, since I never learned how properly express my own anger, I can't deal with the emotion, as a whole. As some of my friends have been unfortunate enough to see, I usually get super quiet when I'm seriously angry.  I bottle it up. Sometimes there's an eruption, later. Sometimes it just festers inside my mind. Not healthy.

Anyhow, I have a note in my phone, to talk to my therapist about how to process anger like a functioning, healthy adult. I've had it for the last three appointments. That's about six weeks. Every time I see her, she always asks what's going on, and each of these last three appointments, I've chickened out on bringing up what I really need. I get the sentence in my mind, get it into my throat, and what actually comes out is, "Mm. Not much."

I feel like a freaking coward. Why is this so hard to ask? All it takes is a simple, "I need help handling anger better". That's it. That's the dam breaking, letting every single bit of pent-up anger and resentment... Ugh. I don't get it.

I've got to be as brave as I was when I published the very first post, here. Dig my heels into the ground, take a deep breath, and just get it out. That's the only way I'm ever going to get through this.

Sad Excuse For Neighbors

Society is in trouble.

As we all know, 2021 is all about feelings. If you feel something, you're encouraged to act upon that feeling. Unless, of course, you have one of the socially unacceptable, "scary" mental illnesses which are not included in the popular acronym.

When someone's feelings get hurt, every major entity (government, social media, news media, and the like) encourages that person to (over)react, and to subsequently "cancel" the one who hurt their feelings. 

Mind you, nobody was physically injured, no property was damaged, and despite popular belief, you cannot get PTSD when someone disagrees with you, politically. Yet this "victim" is screaming at the top of his or her (because 2) voice that someone hurt their feelings, and quickly gains a riotous mob, determined to destroy the life of someone they've never met, in the name of feelings.

If your feelings are hurt by something someone said, which was not intended to be hurtful directly to you, you are the one with the problem. If someone looks at you, stares into your eyes, and tells you you're stupid/ugly/useless, that's something intended to hurt your feelings. Does this mean that you're allowed to eliminate that person from social media? Can you get that person fired, evict them from their home, and destroy their reputation, based on sore feelings? NO! You are allowed to cry, you are allowed to say something snide in return, you are allowed to blast them on social media.

People absolutely disgust me. 

If you're one of these overly-sensitive wankers, you have a serious problem! You have no idea how to properly process your overly-indulged feelings. This is possibly due to your upbringing, having your parents tell you that "you're allowed to feel this way or that", while not giving you productive ways to work through these feelings. Possibly because you have an underlying mental illness. Or possibly because you're a spoiled brat who needs a belt taken to your tush.

Freedom of speech does not belong to you, and you alone. It belongs to all Americans, even those you disagree with.

Don't be a whiny-ass loser, who needs a binky at the age of 30. Left, right, or right smack dab in the middle... we all get to express ourselves. And yes, we are allowed to do so at one another's expense. We should be free to do this without fear of wimps reporting us, because their feelings got hurt. Being offended is a choice.

America is in danger. Stop it, now, before we fall.