Time For War

Time for a new flag to fly over this house.

My mom is so far gone, that she no longer even mentions that something it has done, is inconvenient for her and myself. She is so afraid of its tantrums, that she keeps her mouth shut. That is, until I challenge whatever is going on. Then she gets angry, and yells that she doesn’t want to be in the middle. So... you’ll take the side of the overly-controlling jackass, just to avoid its wrath, but you’re fine taking it out on me? Remind me why I fight for you, again...

This most recent battle is because of the ever-increasing laziness of the jackass. It is too lazy to open the cupboard, reach up, grab what it needs, and close the cupboard, so it has to have a special bowl of these things on the counter. The counter which it continually screams "MUST BE KEPT CLEAR!!!!!" But that only applies to jackasses. One day, very soon, it will learn what I will do to fight back.

As I’ve mentioned before, if you indulge someone’s personality disorder, it does so much more damage than you could imagine. You cannot tolerate even the tiniest behaviors, or you wind up in emotional prison. Every single time you think, “It’s not that bad”, is one more step towards total domination. You’ve heard “A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step”? It’s the same with personality disorders. For every concession you make, the other gets a step ahead. This goes for all personality disorders.

What happens when you make a single sympathetic comment to an overreaction voiced by a person with Borderline Personality Disorder? You feed the fire, and they will soon expect sympathy for a lost eyelash.

What happens when you allow a hoarder to leave something in the corner “for now”? That person will gradually leave more and more things in places “for now”, until you can’t breathe inside your home.

What happens when you give allowance to a narcissistic demand? All hell breaks loose. Narcissists are far from subtle, and far from capable of compromising. It will take over in less than a week, and it will dig its claws into you so deep, and so fast, that you won’t even notice until someone points it out. I know, you’re thinking, “If it’s that fast, how can someone not notice?” Welp, allow me to use an example... When you get a paper cut on the pad of your finger, you usually notice, but it won’t hurt immediately. Once that hand sanitizer hits it, it’s all you think about. However, no bandaid on earth will release you from the pain and control inflicted by a narcissist.

I will continue to pray for the quick, and extremely painful, death of this sad excuse of a human. That day, I will laugh, and dance, and party. However, I won’t give it a single thought for the rest of my life. It’ll be like having a cancerous tumor removed. Or, for all my Doctor Who nerds, the Narc is like a Silence. 

That’s all. 

Gross

People who do this, absolutely disgust me.

So, her highness (sometimes referred to as a sibling) has been out of a job, because 2020. Long story short, mom found out that princess has been trying to apply for jobs, just using her phone. As we all know, filling out forms on a phone, simply doesn’t work. It takes too long, and hitting one tiny thing wrong, will make you lose everything. So, because of this, my mom offered to buy her a laptop.

Here’s where it gets gross...

My brother-in-law, whom I typically like, came to mom with the laptop they'd chosen. $1,900. For a laptop! Why? Because “It’ll last, and it won’t need updates so soon”. 

Here’s my thoughts: So, instead of buying a cheap-o laptop which, while not fancy, would still connect to the internet, and allow you to create and store a resumé, then, once employed again, buy your own unnecessarily extravagant machine... you choose one that you wouldn’t be able to afford, even with both of you employed? And you think that’s ok? You’d damn well better pay her back every single penny. With 100% interest.

These two are blatantly taking advantage of my mom’s kindness. Beyond taking advantage. It’s disgusting. And they have exactly zero shame. The sad part is, this is far from unusual. They take and take and take, and never give anything in return. It’s happened way too many times, but this is the worst. My mom is finally retiring, next month, so every penny counts. To expect her to pay nearly two thousand dollars is the epitome of exploitation.

This is just one more reason that princess and I will never get along. She’s always been a taker, and I’m a fed-up giver. It’s been this way my entire life, and it’ll never stop. 

When the inevitable happens, and my mom is gone, I want exactly nothing to do with either princess or her adoring subject. I’m done pretending these two humans are any kind of respectable people. 

Beyond inexcusable.

Jerk

People suck.

So, as some of you may know, I started a new job. I’ve been here for almost three weeks. I’ve learned some of the more basic functions, but with as much as there is to know, it’s going to take, like, a year to learn it all. Most people are understanding, but there are those people...

Some jerk just came in, and I could do most of what he wanted, but when it came to something more complicated, he went off, telling me how I don’t know how to do my job. Well, duh! Did you know every tiny thing at your job after just three weeks?!

Then there are the ones who can’t handle dealing with someone who has hearing loss. Oh, the impatience of some people! You think you’re frustrated? I’m a million times more frustrated than you!

Especially during the Christmas season, there are loads of people learning new jobs. There’s not a single working person who hasn’t had to learn a job, and believe me when I tell you that, each job is entirely different from the last. Even if you keep the same title, your new company does things differently. But you already knew that...

Basically, the most simple of human kindnesses doesn’t seem to exist, anymore. If you can’t be kind to those you’ve chosen to do something for you— a cashier, a bank teller, a postal worker— you shouldn’t be going out in public.

To all the absolute jerks in the world, I hope you’re happy with the knowledge that employees do, in fact, talk about you after you’ve left. Not because you’re special, or particularly valuable to our companies, but so we learn. We make fun of you, we make hand gestures that you can’t see, and we all learn to avoid you, so your experience at our companies keeps getting worse and worse. 

Customer service does not mean customer slave.

Stop Begging

We’ve all done it, but we shouldn’t.

When I started this blog, I lost so many “friends”, because they didn’t want to deal with my behavior when it had a name like Bipolar Disorder. They seemed to be alright with it before the diagnosis, though. I guess they fell in with the morons who fear the label...

Welp, a few years ago, I wrote a blog post, directed at some of these people, practically begging them to come back into my life. It was absolutely disgusting. If I could find it, without having to read every single post, I’d delete it. Nobody, and I mean nobody should lower themselves down to the ground, and kiss the feet of people who obviously don’t want to be in their lives.

I know that this is so much easier said than done, but believe me when I tell you that you are worth so much more! For every person who is shallow enough to not want to deal with your illness, there is someone dealing with their own illness, just waiting to meet you! Your kindred spirits will be some of your best friends. People who willfully don’t understand these things, and refuse to stand strong through each of your storms, are not your friends. Those people are beyond shallow— liking you for very few reasons. More often than not, those people are actually using you, and aren’t friends, at all. 

Please understand your worth! You are an absolutely incredible human, who deserves love and real friends! Fighting your own brain, on a daily basis, has proven exactly how strong you are! You’re still here, so your success rate is 100%! Those who refuse to stand by you, well, those are the weakest people in the world. Everything and everyone in their world, has to be puppies and sunshine, because they simply can’t handle darkness and struggle. 

You are strong!

You are worth it!

You are succeeding!

KEEP FIGHTING 

Fighting Back

Will this cause problems? Yes. Will it get the point across? Probably not.

Ok, this post was going to be about fighting a narcissist, but as I wrote the intro, I had other thoughts.

Narcissists will walk all over you, unless you start defending yourself, early on. Don’t get me wrong, they’ll do it, no matter what, but there’s a possibility that they’ll see that you’ve got boundaries. Yes, they’ll push those boundaries, but if you hold strong, you can keep them. The problem comes when it’s a constant, “I don’t mind” from the beginning.

There are loads of things that my mom “doesn’t mind”, which has made it so the jackass doesn’t just walk all over her, it actually twists things into being her fault. Yes, mom will put her foot down, sometimes, but it will then retaliate with some childish tit-for-tat. The best day of my life was when she got so angry with it, that she called it a jackass. Not to its face, of course, but oh... it was glorious!

Ok, so my original idea has now fused with the opening line to make something entirely different, and much more mature. I was going to fight everything it did, but that would make my mom’s life a living hell, because let’s face it, that’s not the best idea, on my part. Don’t get me wrong, I will fight it, and I will win, but maybe just on the important things. 

Example: Today, while I was at work, the jackass used my very expensive, very irreplaceable music stand, as its own personal coaster. Yeah, really. It has been told, thousands of times, that things, like my stand and the piano, are not to have drinks or food on them. Add on its ever-decreasing memory, and we find its crap everywhere. So, I threw it in the trash. I gave it one warning, and one only. From now on, any time I see something on my stand or the piano, it gets chucked.

Because of that piece of excrement, our house wouldn’t even pass for Section 8. There’s more mold than there is wall (in the basement, anyhow...), we’ve only ever painted three rooms, and only two have been done in the last twenty years, and so many other things that would take a year to type out. The jackass is so afraid of change, that it had a panic attack when mom finally put her foot down, and replaced our twenty-five-year-old couch (no actual padding, anymore... just fabric and springs).

Anyhow, should you find yourself trapped by a narcissist, make your boundaries clear, and do not, under any circumstances, allow those to be crossed. 

Crap

Today, I’d like to talk about butts.

As we all know, there are two things that come from butts— wind and crap. The wind may stink, but it doesn’t cause as big a problem as the crap. The wind dissipates fairly quickly, and there’s no need for cleanup, except an air freshener. Crap, on the other hand, is messy, and as some children love to do, it gets smeared, causing major problems.

Why am I talking about bodily functions? Short answer: I’m not. These unattractive things are more than literal— they’re metaphorical. This, readers, is narcissism.

A narcissist is capable of exactly two things when it speaks. It can blow hot air, which stinks, but is fairly tolerable, and is over relatively quickly. This hot air is often aimed at defending its own behaviors, telling someone how great it is, and can usually be ignored. Sometimes, leaving the room, and getting a clean breath, helps to keep going. The hard part is the crap.

Crap can be flushed down the toilet, but only by those who are professional-level when dealing with a narcissist. For those of us who have been emotionally abused by these sad excuses for humans, often find the crap smeared all over. It gets on the walls, in the carpet, but the hardest to clean, is the crap that gets on us. It has become such a part of our identities that, we’re not sure how to get it off, or what to do once it’s finally gone.

This metaphorical crap are things like, feeling like we’re the problem, thinking that their anger is our fault, and backing down to their commands, so as to not incur their wrath. Unfortunately, these feelings aren’t associated with just the narcissist; we continue these patterns within other relationships. Whether it be friendships, romantic relationships, or how we deal with job-related stress, we have been conditioned to think and act the way the narcissist taught us to.

Don’t look in this blog for a way to overcome that, because I have no idea. The farthest I’ve gone in healing is, understanding that, I am a person, I do deserve happiness and love, and I am not what the narcissist taught me to believe I am. If you can get these three thought patterns in your conscious mind, you can start your journey to freedom. 

Healing from narcissistic abuse is not ever going to be complete. It leaves a scar that rivals one from an open heart surgery. And, let’s face it, it really is heart surgery. You have to learn that you are capable, worthy, and not a verbal punching bag.

One piece of advice... Don’t try to speak to, argue with, or attempt to negotiate with a narcissist. They’re called “assholes” for a reason. An ass has no ears, and won’t listen. All it will know is that it feels attacked, and then comes the crap...