Thanks-Getting

Well, this is fun...

Thanksgiving is (usually) a time to gather with family, and share stories, thankfulness, and general happiness. Not in my house.

Today, I’m locked in a house with two of the most insufferable narcissists in history. Her royal highness, often referred to as Know-It-All, hasn’t even looked at me, let alone said so much as a “hello”. She’s going on, and on, and on about how much she knows about this and that. And the reigning narcissist is soaking up every word, despite never listening to, let alone believing, a single work any woman has ever said. Oh, and it keeps going back to the same topics, well after the subject has ended. 

I like maybe ten whole people in my so-called family. Cousins, aunts and uncles... I avoid the vast majority of them. I’ll spare you the reasons, because today is all about the narcissists (or so they’d like to think).

Literally everything is about them. The only reason King Narc said any word of thanks, was so that he got acknowledgment. And Princess Narc won’t shut up long enough to let my mom or me say anything. 

When these two get together, it’s intolerable. Mouths moving, competing for most words said in ten seconds, as well as those two stroking each other’s ego, so as to get it in return.

Princess Narc has been out of work because, well, 2020. Mom asked her about any new leads, and it was “Not many new jobs are posted.” So, I come back with how there are hundreds of new jobs on the sites I use. Her response was to go on about “junk jobs”, insinuating that jobs like mine are below her. I mean, how could I possibly have a “good” job, when I have the audacity to wear jeans?!?! I’ll say this one more time: No, my job isn’t glamorous, regular, or going to make me rich, but I love my job. I don’t care what she, or anyone else, thinks. I’m happy, for the first time in a decade, and nobody is going to make me feel like a lesser being. How many times have we heard the old, “If you like what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life”? Learn that quote, and live it, because it’s true.

I’m writing this, during dinner, counting the seconds until I can lock myself in my room, and be alone. 

But... As this is a day to express our thankfulness, I’m going to make a list. Feel free to share yours, in the comments. I’d love to read them!

- I’m thankful for my mom. She’s always been there, and rarely complains.

- I’m thankful for my aunt Ria, whose sassy-pants attitude is exactly what an aunt should be.

- I’m thankful for the time I got to spend with my dear Uncle Dick before he left us for a much better place.

- I’m thankful for music, and my ability to make it.

- I’m thankful for the job I get to be at. 

- I’m thankful for all my wonderful friends, near and far.

- I’m thankful for my ability to express myself through writing.

- I’m thankful for those family members who support each other, despite differing opinions and beliefs.

- I’m thankful for each experience, good and bad, that allow me to learn.

How’s about you?

Realization And Addition

Sometimes, what I want to say, isn’t what comes out.

My last post was dedicated to my amazing friends; one of whom was not properly described, and many were left out, completely. So, today, I’ll fix that.

Ms K, I am so sorry that I didn’t elaborate on who you are, and why you are amazing! This wonderful woman, who has been by my side for over twenty-five years, is the biggest contradiction. She is the kindest, most soft-spoken woman... until she needs to kick some major tush. She can go from screaming at a bully, to comforting her friend, in a millisecond. She is most definitely not afraid to face any roadblock she comes to. Moving family, home, and life with each military transfer? Conquered. Fighting literally anything? Grand champion! Basically, Wonder Woman in disguise. No lie.

I have quite a few other people I am lucky enough to call friends. No, I’m not best friends with them all, but we all know we’re all there for each other.

I’ve got a friend in Ogden, Utah, who is freaking amazing. Beautiful, inside and out, and one of the strongest wills I’ve seen. Empath, mother, friend. 

I have a friend who frankly makes me wicked jealous. In high school, she was a beautiful dancer, and could do anything choreography asked! Now, she’s a computer whiz, kicking butt and taking names!

There’s an awesome woman in a small town, whose husband became a doctor. While he was doing his doctor... training... stuff, she was raising a houseful of boys. They have all boys, still. I’m sure some of you can understand how young boys can be. The way this woman finds humor in absolute disasters... Wow! That’s an incredible trait!

There’s one lady, in particular, who never ceases to amaze me. She can’t have the one thing she wants, but the way she gives back to those who can... I’m in constant awe. We only went to school together for one year, but we still talk.

I have a friend, whom I have been talking with since the days of MySpace, but I’ve never gotten a chance to meet her. The funny part about that is, she even lived right near me for a bit. Anyhow, this mini powerhouse went through a sudden event in her life that she kept standing through. To give you an idea, this woman has over 1,500 Facebook friends. She has affected each one, and thanks to her being a first responder (at least, used to be), has affected thousands more.

Sorry if I didn’t get you in this post. Just know that, even though we don’t talk all the time, I am so blessed to have you as my friend. 

Thank you, all. Thank you for being you.

Great Friends

Good friends aren’t always great friends.

Most of my life, I envied TV and movie characters who have their best friend right there with them, know each other better than they know themselves, and do everything together. No, I don’t have that kind of friends. I’ve got better friends.

There are three amazing women whom I call my closest friends. Not one of them lives in my state, and haven’t for quite some time, but we have never lost contact. That, dear readers, is a great friend.

In chronological order, these amazing examples of true friendship are:

Ms K (sorry, not using names). This beautiful woman came into my life when we were just seven years old. That’s second grade, for my American readers. We had a period of time where we lost contact, but once we found each other again, you wouldn’t have been able to tell that we’d been apart. Not long after we reconnected, she joined the United States Army. There, she met an incredible man (who is career Army, to boot!). Their adorable little family lived in different countries, but we still kept in contact. We’ve held on, despite distances. I’ve only actually been able to be with her, to actually see her, just a handful of times in the last fifteen years, but we’re still besties.

Captain B was in one of my classes in seventh grade. Pretty sure we were both thirteen when we met. Maybe twelve...? Anyhow... After (give or take) twenty-one years, she still surprises me with the absolutely hilarious things that come out of her mouth. This very driven woman has such a way with words. She doesn’t say things the way most people do. She has her own flair that can’t really be described. She’s always known what she wanted, and she worked her tush off to get it. The hardest-working person I know, and I get to call her my friend.

Ms A was in band during our sophomore year of high school. She has got to be the wisest person I know. I mean, when I’m complaining about something, she can see it from an outside viewpoint, and completely change how I look at it. She also has a knack for research, which I probably abuse. Got a question? She’s got the answer. Whether it’s medical, philosophical, or theoretical, she’s up for the challenge. She’s been through a lot, but rarely do I hear her complain. She’s always there, even if just in spirit.

I have known these brave, kind, intelligent women for decades. We don’t finish each other’s sentences, we’ve never shared a wardrobe, but I am tied to each of them with a bond stronger than blood.

I have many other awesome friends, and I hope they know how amazing they are. Each and every person I call my friend, has their own amazing talent, style, and story. No, I will never have TV friendships, but that’s ok, because I’ve got real friends.

Bout Time

Sad, but seriously relieved!

The narc has a 1970 Pontiac GTO. It died in October 2001, and has been sitting in the driveway, ever since. Nineteen years. In those years, a lovely community of moss grew, countless wasps have made a home in mystery spots, and we made a game of finding rusted pieces that had fallen off. The vinyl roof was gone long ago.

Mom and I have been trying to convince it to sell the thing, but always got the response of, “It’s a dream”. Yeah... a dream. Not ever going to be a reality. Ever.

Very suddenly, it decided to sell it. I suck at keeping track of time, but it’s been maybe a month. Today, the classic was taken away. It was sold to a nice guy who is going to fix it up. He even said he’d let us come look at it, and keep track of the renovations! 

This is the car I spent my childhood in. It drove me to and from school, dance classes/performances/competitions, and is what I took my first clarinet home in. Ah... memories. 

Enjoy some pictures of our dear rust-bucket...

And the moss I mentioned...

Double Standards

Do I really need to say what this post is about?

Narcissists are full of double standards. They can do something horrible, but do it to them, and you’re in for it. To clarify, nobody likes having something mean they do, done back to them. Narcissists take this to an extreme.

The most annoying double standard it has, is the way it talks to my mom. It is condescending, rude, and can get as angry as it likes, but mom has to be peaches and cream, or gets a “Don't get so upset”.

Example: Tonight, it put itself in a stressful situation, which would not have happened if a narcissist had any honor to begin with. Mom simply asked if it was coming to eat dinner. Upset, and loud enough for me to hear, it uses the most condescending tone, and words, I’d heard in a while. It was throwing a tantrum because of the situation it put itself in.

Now, let’s turn this around...

A narcissist will needle you, until you give it the response it wants. Not the actual truth, its own truth. So, when asked the exact same question, five straight times, mom will give in, and give it what it wants. Mind you, all she does is sigh. Its response? “Don’t get so upset”.

Bonus that the thing is continuing to lose its memory, making it even angrier if it is told it is being reminded. It won’t go to a doctor, because, well, narcissism keeps it from seeing anything wrong with itself.

Counting the days...

Just Something Fun

Laugh a little!

So, I’ve been doing something that I have found amusing. I go onto Google Street View, and find people. Most of the time, these people look great, but there are a a few gems. Some have some funny looks, others get butchered, stretched, and even find themselves multiple times in one shot.

To these unfortunate souls, thank you for being at the right place, at the wrong time.

I present with no further comments.

**Talk about getting ahead of yourself 😂😂**

Fake Is Fake

“Fake it till you make it”

We’ve all heard the line. It’s overused, and frankly, it’s tired. We’ve heard it from so many people, who all seem to have a PhD in psychology, based on their survival of a hard day. Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s 100% crap.

Do you know what happens when you fake it? You wind up doing far more damage, and not helping yourself, at all. Think of it this way: You’re driving, out in the middle of nowhere. No towns, no other traffic, just you. Suddenly, your car breaks down. What now? Can you fake it till you make it? No. You need both the tools and the knowledge, or you’re just gonna break it further.

I’ve been having a particular difficult time, lately, and I have exactly zero idea why. Literally everything is irritating. No, I’m not manic. I have no other symptoms of mania. I just feel completely done with things.

Today, it seemed as if everything I touched, I dropped. Every time I moved, I smacked some body part into something much harder than I am. I have bruises all over my body, just from today. 

Oh! The best part of today was when I screwed up, not once, but twice. And these screw-ups weren’t minor, no... I went all out for these mistakes. I told my manager what I’d done, and he was entirely unconcerned, except when it came to how I was. I had to laugh when he said I looked like I was going to cry. Yeah... That’s literally how I look all... the... time... 

Anyhow, don’t let people tell you to “fake it till you make it”, because it can, and most definitely will, blow up in your face. If you have a problem, ask a licensed professional for tips and tricks that can help you. Apply those tools every chance you get. I can promise you, though it may take years, with practice, and unfailing willpower, anything is possible. I mean, three years ago, I couldn’t step out on my front porch without someone going with me. Now, I’m working, running my own errands, and actually enjoying life! 

It may take you longer, or it may take you less time. Don’t be in a rush. Healing takes its own sweet time, and your journey is purely your own. Don’t judge your progress based on someone else’s. Do you, your way.