Wednesday, August 5, 2020
Saturday, August 1, 2020
Thursday, July 23, 2020
"I can only eat half a taco." Well, if you hadn’t binged all morning on brownies, popcorn, crackers, and other junk food, you might have been able to eat the whole thing.
“I’m gaining weight, and I don’t know why.” Refer to previous statement.
“I’ll nibble on it.” This means it’ll sit in the fridge until it’s so moldy and gross that it’s unrecognizable.
“How do I know you’re talking to me if you don’t say my name?” Oh, I don’t know... Could be that you’re the only other person in the room. Moron.
“Well, today I watched a couple John Wayne movies, read the news, and watched Nova.” That’s nice. I vacuumed the entire upstairs, scrubbed YOUR bathroom, cleaned up YOUR mess, and made YOUR food. Wanna trade tomorrow?
“Our neighbors are great people.” 40 minutes pass, several other topics are discussed. “They’re really good people.”
“All the tups (Tupperware) without lids, I WANT!” Literally because he has a panic attack when I throw anything out. Even actual garbage.
“I need the fan (over the stove) on.” So, you can’t stand the smell of bacon, but your thoroughly burnt popcorn, choking the entire upstairs, is fine?
“It smells fine to me.” Said the man with no sense of smell, about the 3-week-old leftovers...
“Is the stove top hot?” No. We cooked an entire dinner without heating the stove.
“My program starts in 120 minutes.” That’s like saying you’re 893 months old. 2. It’s 2 hours away.
“Are you going to sit and talk, or go watch something?” Then... mom says something to me, incurring the childish, tantrum-motivated manipulation. “Well, if you’re not going to talk, go watch something.” Manipulation level 💯
**Nobody was physically punched in the making of this blog post**