That's the best title I could think of. Go with it.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about romance, lately. Perfect day to finally write this, eh? Anyhow, I look back on some of my ex-boyfriends and wonder what life would be like if I didn't have this problem or that problem. That’s totally the wrong way to think of this.
I had two guys who I could have easily married and been perfectly happy with. They both have super generic names, so I don't mind using them.
First there was Dan. We met in high school, dated for a short time my sophomore year, and got back together my senior year. He was a year ahead of me, so I got to brag about my college boyfriend. Anyhow, having Bipolar Disorder without a diagnosis really screwed things up between us. Things were said and we ultimately broke up when I was 20-ish. He was my first love, so it was really hard.
Short interruption for the world's worst relationship...
After that bad one ended, I met Rob. He was quite possibly the sweetest thing on the planet, and we really hit it off quickly. I fit right in with his friends, and he didnt seem too weirded out by my fashion sense. He was seven years older than I am, and he was ready to get married and start a family. I was not. I have blamed myself for the breakup for being too afraid, too flighty, too this or that.
I've been blaming myself, my behaviors, and my state of mind for over ten years. It took until just about this very moment to put the truth into words: I'm not the problem. There really is no problem. I just have a different path to walk than these two amazing men who are now married to the women they were meant to be with, and have the children they were meant to have.
Does this knowledge make it any easier? No. But I now realize that I am meant for something different than what I had imagined. Take, for example, the fact that I really don't want to have my own kids. I've always been a full supporter of fostering and adoption. Maybe that's my purpose. Or maybe I'm just here to learn how to focus more on others, learning how to help those in need of some kind. Who knows? But I am perfectly sure I'm on the right path for me.
