Fed Up

Worse... and worse... and worse...

I'm at the end of my rope. It's now a "me or it" situation. It's getting worse. It's more childish, more demanding, and more forgetful. It's upping its game, tenfold, and I simply can't handle it, anymore.

That's all.

Hate

There has never been such a hatred, than an abused child for their abuser parent. 

The day it dies, will be the best day of my life. All I can do is pray that its death is incredibly painful and soon. Maybe colon cancer, or an Anne Boleyn-style decapitation. No matter how it happens, it needs to feel every ounce of pain it has inflicted on me, tenfold.

I have prayed, almost every single day of my life, that it would die. Even on the "good" days, it still had nothing nice to say about me. It literally told me that, the way my mind works "isn't attractive", it told me, "everything I give you, is a gift, and can be taken back at any time". Yes, really. It told me that I'm no use to it, because I don't enjoy the same things it does. It has yelled at me for its shortcomings; threatened and carried out physical harm, many times; it continues to do the latter, on at least a weekly basis. It has backed me into a corner, while I'm sitting, and unable to move, and it sees no problems with its behavior.

If I say literally anything against it, it comes back with what a six-year-old would do. If I say something like,"go away", it'll come back with, "you go away". Yes, really.

I've only ever really wanted three things in my life:

*A trip to England, which was achieved

*To be able to work full time, which is in the works

*The death of the mixed reincarnation of Henry VIII and Atilla the Hun

I am so done. It's gonna get to a point where I resort to physical defense mechanisms. Next time it backs me into a corner, it's getting punched right in the face. That, friends, is self-defense.

I ask all you lovely readers to join forced, and help me pray for an incredibly quick release from this monster. Whether it be through me being able to leave, or it's painful death, I couldn't care less. I just need to get away from this disgusting, sad excuse for a human, before I have to use even more force in self-defense.

Classics

So fun!

Fun fact: Classic car shows are way fun! Old cars, yes, but there's so much more to it, than that! There's a vibe with car show people. Laid back, summer evening chill. Add in the classic music, and it's a perfect way to spend an hour or two.

Tonight, there was a show right down the street from me, and my mom and I went down to see. So many fun cars, great music, and that atmosphere that makes me just... happy.

I was singing along with some of the songs, but when "Do Wah Diddy Diddy" came on, mom joined in, and we were in our own little world. There was one of the car owners who was watching us, totally amused. 

It's how I always imagine evenings in small towns. It's idyllic. I love it.

Anyhow, enjoy these pictures of some awesome cars!

Unequal

Parents do not love their children equally. You'll never convince me otherwise.

When I have a problem, and I call my mom, 99.9% of the time I'll be able to talk for no more than two minutes, before I get an overly annoyed, "I don't know what to tell you. I gotta go". 

Mom's older child calls with a problem, and mom listens for as long as it takes, is sympathetic, and gives ideas and advice. Keep in mind, older child loves the sound of her own voice, so this is never less than fifteen minutes.

I pointed this out to mom, just now, and she got ridiculously defensive, and gave me yet another overly annoyed, "Well, I never know what to tell you". Ok... but does that warrant a quick, annoyed cutoff? I'm having a problem, and you don't even try to hear me out? You don't bother to get the details, listen to literally anything I have to say, and you're straight up rude when you cut me off. Nice.

I guess mom will be last on the list of people I call when I have a problem, now. The one person in my biological family who I don't wanna punch in the face, and she's really pushing that line. Jackass always comes first, then princess, then lazy BIL, then her church thingy, then her office friends, then, way down at the very end... me. 

I feel like Dr Gant in ER season three...

Done. I'm just done.

Starting Something New-ish

I've lost count of how many times I've tried this, but I'm hoping beyond hope that it works out, this time...

Pee in a cup: ✔

I-9: ✔

ID photo: ✔

Office chair: ✔

Chair mat thingy: ✔

Desk: Ordered

That's right, ladies and gents, I have a job! A real job. Full time, benefits, work at home, real job! I will be working for one of the biggest and best companies in Utah!

I'm entirely terrified that I'll, as usual, not be able to handle it, but there are some good things about this, and I hope they help me. Being able to work at home, there's no possibility of the, "I don't wanna deal with traffic, today" excuse, or the, "My work clothes aren't clean" excuse, or the worst one: the, "I can't be around people, today" excuse. Yes, I am in a customer service position, but it's on the phones, and not in-person (which has proven to be career-fatal every single time). 

I'll be starting toward the end of the month, so I've got some time to prepare. And then there's two to three months of training, so I'm not just thrown to the badgers. 

The absolute best part of this is: I can move out of state, while keeping my job! I'm limited on which states, but at least it'll be out of this... well, I'll let you call it as you like.

Pray, cross your fingers, and grab your rabbit's foot. This is happening... again.