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🎶 The circle of Bipolar goes round and round, up and down, air and drown 🎶 

I'm so over this. They need to find an actual cure for mental illnesses. Like, yesterday.

Six days ago, I dropped into depression like Henry VIII dropped Anne Boleyn. It was so fast that I didn't even know what was happening (unlike poor Anne), and it lasted five days. Today, again without warning, I was booted into hypo-mania. 

Hypo is dangerous, for me. I struggle with weight, and hypo makes me so bored that I just start mindlessly eating. Yes, I have Speks (get yours here), but sometimes, my mind gets going so fast, and my energy so low, that I'm in this haze. Trying to keep myself entertained in Hypo mode is like trying to prove that Lizzie Borden didn't do it. It goes in circles, nothing works, nothing getting done, with my brain spinning so fast I can actually feel my brain (if that makes any sense), and I'm in Hell.

Things I couldn't focus on tonight:

- TV

- Music

- Books

- Schoolwork (is it an adverb or an adjective?)

- Walking

- Applying lotion (don't ask)

- Work (probably should have been first on this list...)

- Conversation (which is a majority of my job)

- Tying my shoes (funny and painful)

- Thinking

- Breathing

- Sitting

- Standing

That list could go on, but as expected, I can't focus on what I couldnt focus on. 

I hate this. 

Hot Mess

Eject in 3... 2... 1...

I'm overly stressed, today. I volunteered to work an hour and a half in the early hours, to cover for someone who wouldn't be in. It was nice for about five minutes. Then, for the next eighty-five minutes, it was bombardment. Call after call after call. No break. I went back to bed, afterwards, since I now work afternoons and evenings. Couldn't sleep, hardly. Then comes the fun part...

When I got to work, I found out that, after having just been trained on something, I had to re-learn it, because the dang thing is broken, and we have to work around it. So that was bad enough. After training, I got bombarded with calls from India (because why give jobs to struggling or homeless Americans when you've got India?) with absolute jerks and morons. These people have zero qualms with literally yelling at you. Most often due to their stupidity. Side note: Why do we let the scam capital of the world have access to our sensitive information??? Not smart!

Best part... The programs I need to do literally anything? All down. If you think people are mad when their favorite football game isn't on, you should hear the tantrums that go on because they wasted ten whole minutes on the phone for nothing! I hate people...

So, here I am, avoiding work as best I can. I'm not doing the one thing I really should be doing, which is a 50/50 thing; 50% I need a moment, and 50% I'm lazy for not doing it. But I'm here until late, so I've got time.

Here I am, typing this out, feeling like a terrible coworker, and ready to cry because people in our world expect to be treated like they're kings and queens, but treat those trying to help them like verbal punching bags. I've even stopped waiting for a "thank you", because I know I'll get one every twenty calls, or so.

People, you get upset. Fine. We all do. Taking it out on the people on the other end of the phone is not going to help you. In fact, what it will do is cement your spot in the "this customer was this angry over his/her own stupidity" wall of fame. You will be discussed as "that caller" for at least a week. We will relentlessly make fun of you for being an absolute jerk. We will use your name the same way Karen is used. We will expect you to be the exact same, the next time you call in, and will send you directly to someone who gets paid enough to give it right back to you. You will not like that person, I promise you that.

Don't be that caller.