This needs to be said.
For most of my life, I have bowed and stooped as low as I possibly could to appease literally everyone. Even my lovely friends, though they may not have noticed. I have given more than I had, lowered other people's expectations of my intelligence, and kept quiet about my needs so others can be comfortable.
Why have I done this? Because I learned at a very young age that I need to give in to maintain the peace. If I didn't, I was punished or reprimanded. When I needed something that didn't fit with the narcissistic needs, those 2... beings... won. Every time.
Through the years, I continued this kind of behavior outside my home. Teamwork at school became master/servant. I would always give in and let others make the decisions because I needed everyone to like me. I can't even remember how many partner projects I failed because after fighting for what I knew as the right answer, my partner wouldn't give in, so I did. (Hidden) years out of high school, I still try to make myself look less intelligent so as to not offend people and make them feel stupid. And physical comfort is always given to others, while I often writhe in pain, just to keep the peace and make you like me.
The most obnoxious part of this behavior is my need to overcompensate when someone gets mad at me. A small argument about, I dunno, where to go for lunch? I immediately drop my IQ so others feel better about themselves. **("Wait, is it 'all in all' or 'all and all'?" Fun fact: I know the answer to this absurdly stupid and easy question. I just wanted you to know I'm an idiot so you like me again.)**
I wish I was exaggerating. This is my life. I'm 3(hidden) years old, and I'm done. It's time to show the world who I am. I'm putting my foot down on a lot of things. So, just a heads up...
*If I'm in pain because of your need to be 100% comfortable? I'm going to politely insist on a compromise. Either we're both/all in 10% pain, or you're taking the whole of it. Foot= down.
*When I know something, I'm not backing down. If I'm wrong, educate me. But when I'm right, accept it. I never have, and never will intend to talk down to people, but I'm never again going to tell you you're right when you're not. Foot= down.
*I have opinions, and I'm getting my way once in a while. If you insist on sushi, you're going without me. You can join me in a restaurant that doesn't make me vomit from the stench of fish, or it's TTFN. Foot= down.
*The most important thing on this list: I don't care if someone doesn't like me. I'm not on earth to appease everyone. It's not my job. I'm not begging for friendship any longer. I have my friends, and oh, have I been blessed with them! I have an absolutely amazing crew, whether we talk often or once a year, that I wouldn't trade for anything! Many have left my life, and I'm ok with that. I'm quite happy with where I'm at in the friend department.
So, be warned. I'm here. I'm not going to hide who I am, what I need, or my intelligence anymore.
Here's to my personal revolution! 🍻
