A Shadow In The Wind

I am no one.

I often get annoyed when I post something on Facebook that goes ignored because, well, I took the time to share something with my friends and they don't even acknowledge it. Like my posts. I've got friends who say they read every post, yet never bother to hit that "like" button. I beg you, let me know you've read this and every other post. I need that validation and confirmation that I'm not doing this alone. I can't handle thinking that I'm all alone.

I can get twenty random strangers to like my pictures on Instagram, but the same picture gets maybe five (if I'm lucky) likes by my one-hundred and forty-two friends on Facebook. Things like this make me feel unimportant, unwanted, and like I have no place in this world. Tonight, I'm feeling very suicidal because I specifically tagged someone in one of my posts and she didn't even acknowledge it. Thanks, Amy. I know I'm not your favourite person in the world, but please, at least have the dignity to tell me you don't want to be friends instead of just ignoring me.

Right now, I'm hiding in my room, muffling my sobs with my pillow and wanting more than anything to simply disappear. This girl who ignored me today had a brother commit suicide, so she of all people should understand the way I'm feeling, but she doesn't seem to care. We used to be good friends- sorority sisters, even! It seems like when my friends get married, I'm no longer needed or wanted around. I try to keep in contact with so many of them, but it's always a one-sided relationship. I text, invite them to do things, and give them gifts, but I never get any of these in return.

My problem is that I'm too good a friend. I'm the loyal one who will be there for you no matter what, but I get treated like the bloody doormat. I care about others far more than I care about myself and nobody seems to care. I just feel like so few people care about me that it wouldn't matter if I disappeared. I've thought it over a hundred times, but there would be a maximum of twenty people at my funeral because I simply don't matter that much to anyone.

Who knows... maybe tonight is the night.