Last night, I was thinking about some old friends and the absolutely horrible things I said to them in years past. Now, I'm not really one to apologise (NCIS: Gibbs rule- Never aplolgise, it's a sign of weakness), but I feel like I need to clear the air.
Dear (insert your name here),
Until two years ago, I was dealing with something that I didn't fully understand, and to be honest, I still don't. I had all these emotions that were overbearing and made me do and say things that were unwarranted. Please understand that I had little to no control over my actions back then and that my actions are not me.
Back then, I was trying to deal with this all on my own, and it obviously wasn't working. I lashed out in anger and uncalled for name calling. I don't know why, and I wish with all my heart I could go back and undo it all. I wish that my brain's emotions were never in control of me so that I'd never say things I regret, but the fact remains, I will be battling my brain every day for the rest of my life.
I don't expect you to just forget about the horrific things I said and we go skipping off into the sunset; I just want you to know that I think about these things every day and I am so, so sorry. You were never meant to be in the crosshairs of my emotional outbursts.
Sincerely,
Charmaine/CJ/whatever else people used to call me
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