Drum Beats

Ow.

For all you ladies (and men who live with us), you know that periods bring with them massive mood swings. It's no different, and actually may be a bit worse, for those with mental illnesses. I don't know about you, but a couple of days before, my mood cycles are every five minutes. Not so this time.

I've been saying how I don't think meds are doing anything for me, but since my med manager added an antidepressant, I'm feeling much better. I'm sitting here right now in agonizing pain, but my moods are steady as the beating drum (yes, that's a Pocahontas reference).

I'm still having severe anxiety problems, especially when it comes to working, but when it comes to the Bipolar, I'm feeling pretty okay! I didn't really notice this until today, but thinking back on my week, things have been pretty steady. I'm still on the depressed side of the scale, but I'm up enough to get myself out of bed, showered, and dressed. Now if I can just get my sorry butt to work every day...

Bad segue in 3... 2... 1...

I met with my therapist Thursday, and she pointed out something that I hadn't really thought about. She said that I've taught my body how to not tolerate happiness. I told her that every time I get truly happy (like hanging out with friends or just a really good day), I crash and go on a self-loathing bit. I put this out on Twitter, and got one response that made sense. He said that "we cling to the pain we know." It's like the pain is my constant companion and I freak out if it's not there. My therapist is going to try to teach me how to be happy without the crash.

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a great weekend!