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I'm on a mission to save the world! Or maybe just to find the perfect mac and cheese.
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Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Ennui

So very bored...

So I have absolutely nothing to do. I'm looking for work, but with my limited schedule, it's extremely difficult. Even volunteering takes more than two 4-hour shifts per week, typically. Plus there aren't very many appealing volunteer opportunities in my area.

Now on to my point: I'm stagnating. I'm not doing anything productive or of consequence. I drag myself out of bed around ten o'clock, I exercise at night and sometimes during the day, I watch Netflix, and I go to bed. Most days I don't even bother to shower. Today I had to because I actually got to get out of the house for a doctor appointment. After that, I went to the library to pick up some holds (Falling In Reverse. Great band.).

My poor Fitbit doesn't get above three thousand steps each day. I got the thing to motivate me to move more, but when I'm stuck in the house, it's hard to get any movement. I won't even talk about my rapidly diminishing attention span...

All this nothing is affecting me psychologically. I'm getting depressed again. I'm on a magical mix of medications that has stopped my extreme mood swings and has kept me out of my normal cycle, but this whole "nothing to do" thing is really wearing on me.

Thursdays are kind of my own personal hell, though. I have been going to a DBT group headed up by my lovely therapist. It's loud. I don't do well with loud. Not just that... I'm not the one to burden others with my issues (hey... you read this of your own free will...). In like, I'm not the one to have others lay their issues on me. Yeah, I'll be there for a friend, but these people aren't my friends. They're strangers who happen to be at the same place at the same time (sorry if y'all are reading this).

Thursday night, however, is friend night. I get together for coffee with a good friend every Thursday night. Well, evening, but you get my point. It's nice to get out of the house and talk.

Basically, my life is empty (except for Thursday evening) and I can't deal with it this way much longer.



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