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Tuesday, March 14, 2017

The Bad Guy

I don't get it...

I'm often made out to be the bad guy in a situation. Dad pushes me to where I have a breakdown? I'm the bad guy. I tell my friends, repeatedly mind you, to give me back the thing they stole from me? I'm the bad guy. I put my foot down to maintain my safety and sanity? You got it... I'm the bad guy.

I'm easy to blame. I get all flustered when I'm angry, so defending myself doesn't go over well. I'm small and don't talk a lot. And let's not forget the fact that I'm "only" mentally ill.

People are far too quick to judge me on my behaviour like everything I do is calculated and purposeful. I don't get out of hand often anymore, but it still happens. Now hear me when I say this: I have exactly zero control over my emotions and only about fifty percent control over my behaviour, so to say I'm at fault for everything I do is preposterous. 

I'll own up to bad behaviour when I'm in control over myself, but don't you dare say that the things my mental illness controls is me. I HAVE a mental illness; I am not that illness. Understand that when you think I'm being rude, unusual, or inappropriate, that's the illness... not me. I've always been described as kindhearted, funloving, and giving. 

There is the illness, and there is me. Learn the difference.

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