Today marks something in my life that has literally never happened before. I have officially been working forty hours per week, for a month! Major milestone, here! Of course, working at home definitely helps. No traffic, no weather, no special work clothes. It's wonderful!
I'm plugging along, enjoying life, when I'm punched in the face with an upcoming "retreat". I got an email asking for ideas on where to go, and where to eat. There was definitely panic involved.
I'm not big on socializing, in general. Add in loud, busy places, and I'm gonna have to take the next three weeks off, just to recover from that.
It's nothing against my coworkers or manager, at all. Everyone is great! I simply can't do everything normal people do. Add in the whole "I'm deaf" thing, and it'll wind up being me sitting awkwardly, while everyone else talks. That is, if the places are loud. Not even the best hearing aids help when there's a ridiculous amount of background noise.
By the time I was seven, I was a pro at talking my way out of things. Sure, some of them are awkward, and leave people entirely confused, but I still did it. And every single time, I made things up. "I've got a family thing that night", or "So sorry, but I've got something I've got to do", or "My mom called, and something terrible has happened" type things.
I've worked very hard to stop lying to get out of things. It doesn't help my cause, and it definitely isn't easy keeping all those fibs straight. But, as we all know, the truth is much harder to say. "I'm super anxious, here, and need to leave" is perfectly fine to say, and people usually understand, but saying it is near impossible.
I've now got to stand up, put on my big-girl pants, and explain that I simply don't do well in social situations. Or, on the flip side, I could put on my big-girl pants, and expose myself to something that seems impossible, but may actually turn out well. Either way, I've got to find a way to do this.
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