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Sunday, August 9, 2015

This Isn't Goodbye

Here goes...

Today, I learnt that the only grandparent I've ever really known passed away. She isn't biologically related, but my parents moved into the house right next door to this amazing woman before I was born and we just kind of adopted each other.

When I was little, I was over at her house more than I was at my own, I think. We would play games most of the time. Her favorite was Yahtzee, but Go Fish was always a go-to. On warm summer nights, we would go into her backyard and she would sit and talk while I played. I always had to take things over to show her- new clothes, Christmas or birthday gifts- and she would always look at everything patiently and smile. Her favorite thing was when I learnt a new dance and came over to show her.

About two years ago, she had a stroke. The only reason she survived that was that her daughter, a nurse, happened to be with her. When I saw the ambulance pull into our circle, my heart dropped. I ran out without shoes, heart pounding, and speechless.

After that, she jumped from hospital to care center, and care center to different care center. I've seen her once in the last year because her family is big and trying to keep everyone informed was next to impossible. I saw her the day after my birthday- election day.

When I heard the news, I didn't know what to do. I was sad, angry, and about a hundred other things all at once. It took me three hours to figure out that crying was a good option. Even that was confusing since I haven't cried over something besides my own messed up brain in years. I've lost people before, but nothing has hit me as hard as this. I've lost friends when we were fourteen or fifteen, I've lost three aunts, but none of them hit me like my dear grandma.

She was an incredible, beautiful woman and the world was made better by her. There are many people who wouldn't be where they are now, if not for her. I wish I could write something better for her, but this will have to do.

"There You'll Be"~ Faith Hill

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