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Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Just A Daughter

"Silence will fall when the question is asked." ~Doctor Who (NERD ALERT!)

I back down faster than a balloon gives in to a pin. Why? My father. Have you ever heard "Whatever You Say" by Martina McBride? The chorus says, "I know you can hear me, but I don't think you're listening." This is my father. I can say something that I need or want, and he'll pass it off and just do what he always has. I have always said that he should have never gotten married, let alone had a family because he cannot, no, he will not change for anyone. He does what he wants, everyone else be damned.

When I ask his opinion on something, he'll say, "you usually ignore my suggestions." Yes, I do. Do you know why? Because that's how I was taught. I'll suggest things to him, he'll say "that's an idea," and forget it five seconds later.

We fight quite a bit because I believe that a man should be a dad; not just a father. He cut himself out of my life when my sister decided she no longer needed him. Ever since, it's been a one-sided relationship. I do what he likes, talk about what interests him, etc., but when I talk about something, he doesn't really listen.

There have been quite a few times where I've stopped talking to him; sometimes, for weeks, but stupid me goes back to trying. I don't know why I do. I always get the same result. I get hurt because he doesn't know how to be a dad.

Sure, he's been there to help out when I've had surgery, but even then, he's downstairs until I call (three freaking times) that I need something. He gets it and returns to his claustro-hell.

A father is supposed to be a pillar. The pedestal that every girl puts her daddy on is empty in my heart. He hurts me more than he cares enough to realize. I want a daddy. I want to be able to say I'm daddy's little girl. The sad fact is, though, that I never will. All because my father will always do whatever satisfies my father.

"Whatever You Say"~ Martina McBride

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