I have quite a few friends with similar diagnoses as I have, and every one of them is married and has a real job. Some even have kids. They handle their moods and anxiety enough to be fairly normal. At least in my eyes.
These friends have everything I want, and it irritates me that they seem to be handling things better than I do. I mean, I can't go out in public without a companion because my anxiety spikes and I'm as useful as a decapitated jackrabbit. I can't answer my phone, look people in the eye, or even ask for a to-go box without shaking like a bag of popcorn. I frequently ask myself why these friends can do something and I can't. We've got the same diagnosis, so why can't we do the same things?
Every time one of these friends posts something about going to a party, concert, or even a busy store, I get jealous. If they post pictures of their spouse or kids? You got it... jealous. I'm not saying that I'm not happy for them, I'm just annoyed at myself that I can't do, really anything.
I started a new job at a fairly large department store. I was put in the apparel department, but I still have to do cashiering. I can't even look at a cash register without getting a panic attack. I also have to learn to use the overhead paging system and answer calls. Like I said before... I can't even answer my own phone without an anxiety spike.
Sometimes, I just hate my life.
"Hey Jealousy"~ Gin Blossoms