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Sunday, December 13, 2015

Lesson Learned

I've learned a few lessons that I really need to unlearn. 

1~ Suffer silently.
When I was a sophomore in high school, I was having a particularly bad day. I didn't understand it at that point, but I knew I did t want to go to my last class. I told my teacher how I felt and asked if I could sit out in the pod instead. While I was out there, I had my TI-84 calculator. If you've ever used one, you know that you can type on it. Anyhow, my teacher left the classroom, passing me on her way out. She said, "If you're just going to play games, you need to get into class." I wasn't playing games. I was typing, trying to get my emotions into words. After that, I left and went to the music pod. My teacher gave me detention. I got punished for having anxiety.

2~ Lie to spare feelings.
When I was 21, I was dating the most amazing guy. He was sweet, funny, and honestly the only guy I've dated that I can't say anything bad about. Well, we got together right after I broke off an engagement. He wanted more of a commitment than I was ready to give (i.e. marriage). I told him that I wanted to take it slow so as to make sure I wasn't just using him as a rebound. He pulled back from me faster than a spooked horse. So now I have problems saying how I really feel to anyone. If something annoys me, I let it boil and it generally comes out in a post. Yes, feelings have been hurt, but most people can move past it and continue as we did before.

3~ No touchy!
When I was a kid, I was the touchy kind. I liked hugs and just generally being touched (don't go there). Well, my (n)ever loving sister made it quite clear that, since she didn't like me touching her, nobody did. As time went on, I stopped hugging people. As more time went on, I learned to not like people touching me. I'm now ridiculously picky about the people I let hug me. Even at that, it makes me uncomfortable.

4~ I'm weird.
Every time I try to be 100% myself in public, I get looks, and sometimes comments on how it's unacceptable. The last time I tried being myself was at a dance eight years ago. "Thriller" was playing, and since I knew the choreography, I started dancing. The people I was with just looked at me like I was crazy and acted like they had no idea what to do. It was only when I folded back in on myself that they stopped looking at me like that.

"Lessons Learned"~ Carrie Underwood

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