Sometimes I need to be alone. Forcing me to be around people, even by implied obligation is not going to end well. Saturday day was one of those days.
My parents and I went down to the BYU Museum of Art to see the Norman Rockwell exhibit. The tickets are free, so you can imagine the crowds. I was less than pleased about being around people in general, but that many people, plus the close quarters in the car on the 40 minute drive down there? I wasn't in the best of moods. I managed to choke it down and remain mostly pleasant, but inside I was screaming!
Today isn't much better. I'm in a rather foul mood and have kept most of my speaking monosyllabic. That made for a fun therapy session... I feel like screaming, crying, and punching things and I don't really know why. I'm on meds that have been working better than anything I've tried, but I still get the rapid cycle going on. My highs and lows are much more even, but steady, they're not. If someone designed a roller coaster after my moods, it would probably kill some people because of the quick up-to-down.
Bad segue in 3... 2... 1...
I learned something. I'm always telling myself negative things. Things like "I'm awkward around people," and "I'm useless." One of my therapists (yes, I have two. Judge me.) told me to start putting "I tell myself that..." in front of every negative thought. I've been really watching my thoughts and I've found that I'm ridiculously self-deprecating! I mean... I tell myself that I'm ridiculously self-deprecating. She says that wording it that way distances you from the thought so it's easier to overcome. Just in the last three days, I've managed to distance myself from a few negative thoughts that I think all the time. Try it!
So... I have Instagram. I post random things and would love to share my journey with anyone willing to put up with me. Find me @rie_define.