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Monday, August 1, 2016

Anxious Mind


Ever feel like everyone else does pretty much everything better than you? Like your best doesn't come close to other people's even half-try? That's where I'm at right now.

I went to church yesterday even though I didn't want to because someone was expecting me to be there. I wasn't planning on going because I hadn't been feeing well all morning, but I got dressed and headed out. From the second I closed my back door, I started having a bit of a panic attack. I thought this would go away when I got there and got settled, but it was just the opposite. My heart kept pounding, my palms were all sweaty, and I couldn't catch my breath. I wound up staying a grand total of thirty minutes. 

There's a point to that story. I'll get to that now... 

I look at other people and see them doing better at life. They get up, shower, get dressed, and do whatever they do. I, on the other hand, would rather cower in my bed all day than face even one person. My Bipolar symptoms have been significantly reduced due to my meds and therapy working together. My anxiety, however, has been on the rise. 

In my church, we do activities every Monday evening. This week is games. I hate playing games because I never know what I'm doing and I don't want to make an idiot of myself. Just the thought of going to this thing has me in a panic. 

I don't know why my anxiety has decided to cripple me as of late, but I sincerely wish it would die. 

1 comment:

  1. I hear you on the games, in general, I hate games. I also hate puzzles and competition of all kinds. I think it goes back to grade school and being laughed at and bullied...