I met her in, like, 2009. She was odd, but good odd. She danced to music like nobody was watching, her sense of fashion was purely her own (and she rocked it!). She talked, she listened, she cared. We were good friends! Then things started changing...
She got married to a guy I didn’t think was good for her, but that was her choice. When she had her first kid, things really started showing. Her tone, her body language, and her behaviors started seeking attention and validation, instead of giving it.
Things started getting bad for my mental health about three years ago. She’d post dozens of pictures of her kids in the comments of posts that had nothing to do with kids or pictures. On pretty much every post, I could expect no less than five responses. She’d respond with things out of left field. I’d say something about, say, cleaning out my closet, and I’d get a paragraph about what her kids did that day. Then she turned to pictures and descriptions of her kids on public posts of pages she followed, where anyone and everyone could see. Fun fact: Pedophiles go around social media to find pictures of your kids, and we all know what they do with those pictures.
The more attention she got, the more she needed. Same with validation and, yes, pity. She turned into a perma-victim. Any tiny thing she could get pity for, she’d blow it way out of proportion. Example: The last time I saw her, we went out for dinner. When I was driving her home, literally every pebble we hit, somehow hurt. And it had to be expressed with moans, groans, and detailed descriptions.
It got to a point where, every time I’d see her name pop up on my notifications, I’d get stressed. What’s her latest attention-getting tactic? How far from relevant is her comment? It was stressful, and frankly, it was irritating.
I had to unfollow her on all social media, and I actually blocked her phone number. I simply couldn’t deal with her, anymore. She wasn’t doing anything to help her disorder (Borderline Personality Disorder), because the reactions she gets from family, friends, and strangers, are too satisfying for her. Fun fact: Feeding into someone’s personality disorder, is counterproductive. It hurts them, not helps them.
I’ve talked to my own therapist about this woman. I said, “She’s a good person, but she drives me nuts. I can’t deal with her.” My therapist’s response? “That’s ok! Borderline is a difficult disorder to be around.”
She recently removed me completely from Facebook, and holy cannoli... the stress is gone!
Like I said, she’s a good person, and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her, but not having any contact with her, well, that’s just for the best.
You will always bring a smile to my face when I listen to Soolaimon. I wish you well, and I pray you find your happy place.
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