I have a habit of minimizing everything by saying "just." "I'm just an aide." "I'm just depressed." "I'm just a little sick." I'm not sure why I do this, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I like to believe I have no problem, or my days as Brooke's doormat.
I met with my new therapist yesterday, and she wanted to hear a bit about my trauma. Naturally, the bullying came up. I told her that, by the time I was in fourth grade (age nine or ten), I had learned to not cry. When I would cry, Brooke and her cronies would laugh. I guess that I started using "just" so much that it became a natural pass-off.
By using "just," I can pass off anything. I can be in the lowest circle of Hell, but "just" can make anyone think I'm fine, even though I would like a shoulder to cry on.
Now I'm wondering how I can be so good at talking my way out of things when every psychologist is trained to look for key words like "just" and "kind of."
Short, but sweet. I was thinking about this all night, so I had to write something about it.
"I'm Alright"~ Jo Dee Messina
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