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I'm on a mission to save the world! Or maybe just to find the perfect mac and cheese.
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Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Me

Faith.

I believe faith is crucial to anyone's mental health. Now, whatever you may believe is up to you, but have faith in something.

I'm from Utah, so I know quite  bit about faith. Now, I've been asked quite a few times, "You're from Utah. Are you Mormon?" This is going to take all the guts I've ever had and will ever have to explain, but the short answer is: no.

The long answer is: I was raised that way, and my mother tends to talk about those who leave "the church" like they're unintelligent for doing so or have committed some great sin, which is why, for the last several years, I have gone through the motions to make her happy. I've gone to church, pretended to be happy about it, and been absolutely miserable. I'll spare you all the details, but in the last few years, I've found myself finding it harder and harder to believe more and more of the teachings and as time has gone on, I've been getting more and more unhappy. This is the first anyone has heard of this, so, as you can imagine, this is incredibly difficult to type...

I have not lost my Christianity, however, and I believe I never will.

I know this will come as a huge disappointment to my mother and I know I'll get "the tone" from her, but I refuse to continue going to a church that doesn't teach what I believe. I'm not happy there, and that's not mentally healthy.

I shouldn't be surprised that this will be a disappointment to my family. My whole life, I've been informed in some way or another that I'm unacceptable. When I make a joke, I get my name. You know when your parents say your name and you just know you've done something wrong? Yeah... I get that a lot. This will be just one more thing about me that's not OK. According to my family, I'm not OK. Well it's time for me to step up and really be who I am.

Who I am is only good enough if I would be it openly.

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