I have nobody to talk to. If I text anyone about something the narcissist has done, it goes ignored. If I text pretty much anyone about a bad day, it’s either ignored, or turned around on that person's bad day. If I try to talk to my mom about the narcissistic hoarder, even if she, herself, was complaining about the exact same thing just five minutes ago, she gets mad at me. If I try to use ASL with her, she nods as if she understands, yet gets maybe one word. That is, when she doesn’t look away altogether. She’s not trying to learn the language at all. I’m putting in a truckload of effort to learn Dutch for her, yet she won’t even practice the ASL alphabet.
Best part is that I’m expected to be the sounding board for EVERYONE! You had a bad day? I’m here. If I’m not 100% sympathetic to everything someone says, they get upset. If I call out the fact that you don’t listen to me, I’m suddenly a horrible person.
Every single one of my friends has a spouse they can talk to, they have family members they can talk to, and they have me. Every single day, they have support. I have support twice a month when I see my therapist. That’s a total of ninety minutes per month that I have to really talk out my problems. I try reaching out to friends, but at best, I get the “I’m sorry you have to deal with that” response. Thanks, but, like you, I need people to actually talk to.
I’ve never had the support system everyone else has. My only sibling is as narcissistic as her adoring sad-sack of a father, my mother (whether she believes it or not) has been conditioned by the narcissist to bow to him so as to avoid confrontation, and my friends all have their own families and circles in the states they’ve moved to. I have zero friends in my entire state. Nobody to see a movie with, go to dinner with, or simply get out to a park with. I. Have. Nothing.
“Go out and meet people!” Right. If you’re saying that, you’ve obviously never been to Utah. You’ve got 2 options: Mormon churches and bars. Both are no-go for me. And now that my hearing is going, it makes it even harder. Yes, I’ve got hearing aids, but they’re more a pain than they are a help. I can’t hear hardly anything in a crowded room. Hearing people don’t want to be bothered, and the deaf community doesn’t accept late-deafened because we’re too “hearing-minded” (who woulda thunk?).
I am alone.
I really do wish we lived closer together. I apologize if I have ignored anything. It truly was not intentional. You truly are the best best friend I could ever imagine. I know that I am not the most communicative. I tend to stay to myself because I have a hard time reaching out to others. Know that I love you! Always have and always will.
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