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Thursday, October 2, 2014

P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney

"Just keep swimming."

Great advice from Dory, but not really practical. I've been scrambling to simply tread water, and lately, I can't seem to keep my head above water. **Side note: This is really freaking me out because water covering my face gives me the serious creeps** So, needless to say, I've been pretty useless lately.

For four years, I worked in a high school and I never had any problem. Ever since then, I can't seem to hold a job for more than 3 months, and even that's pushing it. It's not because I'm a princess and feel like I shouldn't have to work, it's because being out in public and having to think on their schedule is incredibly difficult for me. It's not so bad when it's like, 3 days a week and those days change each time, but when it's Monday thru Friday, 9-5, it's not going to go well. Don't get me wrong, I try, but I know my limits.

I have a job in an elementary school now, and it should be easy. I mean, I've never particularly liked kids under 12 years old, but these kids are (mostly) pretty amazing! Best part: I work 4 hours, 4 days a week! Sounds perfect, right? Wrong. I'm struggling to even get out of my bed in the morning. I'm practically using hooks to make myself smile anymore. It's not just wearing me out, it's wearing me down.

I don't even know what to do now. I'm on meds, I've got a therapist, and I still can't function like a normal human being. It's been so difficult lately that I've kind of given up. I've been fighting this my entire life, and I really just don't want to fight anymore.

Fun story: I had the worst day a couple of days ago, and I blew up on Facebook (mature, I know). Well, I got texts and messages from 3 people (one of whom wouldn't let me hide out...). Just those 3 people asking if things were alright for those few minutes changed my entire compost-filled week.

One of them was watching Glee, so it made me think of this.

(I'm trying to put a song on every blog now because, well, I want to!)

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