You Have Zero Idea

People really need to stop talking about things they don’t know.

I have a few people who seem to think it’s ok to lecture me on my relationship with father and sister. Things like, “She’s going to be the only family you have, at some point”, and “He really is a good man”. Yes, these people have good intentions, but they only see one molecule of the universe. 

Here’s the truth.

Sibling has bullied me, my entire life. Yes, she’s my only sibling, but she’s the one who has ensured that we have no relationship. It’s her fault, and everyone knows that. “But she would say the same about you.” Yeah, she will. But her excuse is that I’m nothing like her. I don’t act like her, talk like her, dress like her, or anything else she would want. She can’t handle anyone, and I literally mean anyone, who isn’t just like she is. She has tried to change who I am, for as long as I can remember. She also can’t accept that, not everyone will give her things, for all eternity. When someone gets tired of giving, giving, and giving some more, getting nothing in return, she will dispose of them. It’s what she’s always done, and what she will always do. That’s what chronic takers do.

Jackass is a classic representation of narcissism. I heard that, when I wouldn’t eat something at family parties, it would go out and get something I’d like. That’s all fine and good, but I have exactly zero memory of it doing that. Literally the only thing I ever remember it doing for me, is figuring out how to get me my beloved clarinet. I was sixteen. Best part is that, since it retired, it’s got a quadrillion times worse. It’ll go out, pick up a treat, and not think of anyone else. It’s got its crap all over the house, but throws a tantrum if something is moved. It is incredibly condescending, it can’t admit it doesn’t know something (using, instead, “I’m not used to doing that”), and it will take out its own frustrations on me. 

So, good as your intentions may be, you haven’t lived in my house, with these two jackasses, for more than a couple hours. They both put on a good face, when company is around. As soon as company leaves, it’s back to hell. 

Please think twice before telling the victim of bullying or narcissistic abuse, exactly how good of a person the perpetrator is. Especially when you’ve been told, time after time, what that perp is doing. Don’t ever try to convince the victim that, if they’d put in more effort, their relationship with the abuser/bully will get better. You simply have no idea.

I appreciate that you have your amazing relationships with your families, but it’s not something I’ve ever had, or ever will have. Don’t feel badly for me. I’ve got some absolutely amazing friends, who are my chosen family. They say, “blood is thicker than water”. Fun fact: the people you choose to be around, and who choose to be around you... well, that’s a bond stronger than blood. 

Family isn’t based on genetics, it’s based on bonds.