A Reckless Mistake

So...

I got some feedback from my last post (which is now deleted) saying that I shouldn't kill the blog. The only reason I was given was that these few people enjoyed reading it. Sorry, but that's not enough. I don't do this for the pure sake of entertainment; I do it in hopes that someone dealing with this may find solace in knowing that they are not alone. I also do it for myself as a catharsis. I pour my heart, soul, and mind into every post, so when it gets maybe thirty views, it confirms everything I've ever believed: I'm not important; I don't matter. So, I've made a decision that I won't share this on Facebook anymore. We all know how most Facebook users are-- you get bored, so you scroll through your feed and click on a link because, well, you have nothing better to do. I'm done being that link. I only want people to read what I have to say because they want to.

I may place too much weight on numbers, but my entire life, I've never felt important.

• I danced as a kid, and all I ever wanted was to do a duet. When I finally talked my teacher into it, we practiced three times and it ended.
• I was in the wind ensemble for six years. I was last chair most of the time, but after my sophomore year of high school, I worked really hard and made second chair- not just in the school, but in the district orchestra! At the end of the year, I was hoping to get the class award for "most improved junior." I got "on her way to success." Yeah... that took no time or thought at all.
• I will bend over backwards to help someone, but when I ask for help, I get half-baked offers that are quickly forgotten. I asked my sister to paint the Batman logo on a pair of shoes I had. That was in October; I still don't have them back. She asked me to pick something up from a place that was closing in forty-five minutes. I was getting my hair done and didn't think I'd make it. After I was finished, I drove like mad to get there only to find she was already there and hadn't told me.
• I visited St. George last summer for a Blue Angels airshow. I have a friend down there who has been like a second mother to me for years. I told her I was coming down several months in advance and gave reminders between. When I was there, she said she was too busy and had other plans. (For those who don't know, St. George is about three hundred miles south of Salt Lake City. Not exactly walking distance.)

 I've never been the girl people think about and it has made me wonder if I'm important to anyone. I have absolutely no self-worth because people have made it known that they don't think I'm worth the time or effort.

So now comes the experiment... how many people are going to make the effort to read what they have said they like when it's not conveniently linked on Facebook?

"Polaroid"~ Imagine Dragons