I've hit the bottom once again. I don't particularly like the mania or mixed episodes, but my absolute least favorite is the depression.
People who have never experienced a true depression (meaning, more than "I didn't get the job") don't understand that it is more than just emotional. Again, not speaking for everyone, but I get physical things as well. It most literally hurts to move, so when I do, it's much slower than usual. I talk slower, I think slower, I am slower. The worst part for me, though, is the fact that, again, it most literally hurts to even smile. I work with kids. I need to be able to smile. Even a fake one would be nice!
I haven't wanted to get out of bed for three days now, and believe it or not, forcing it makes me feel worse. This whole deal of "try a little harder" is total rubbish. Even "fake it til you make it" is just going to escalate my depression (oxymoron of the century!).
Bad segue in 3... 2... 1...
I tend to point out things when I'm down here, like how I only have two or three people who really talk to me. I wish I could say it was as nice as that, but I get incredibly sarcastic and a little demeaning. I've never actually said this before, not even to myself, but I do that because I'm scared. I don't want to feel like this to begin with, let alone go through it alone, but when someone asks, "what can I do?" I have no answer. I don't know how to answer it. Just knowing that someone is there is good enough for me.
I'm pretty sure I've used this song before, but I love it and it applies to those who are there.
"Rescue"~ The Summer Set
Twitter: @AROTBEblog
Facebook Group: A Ride On The Bipolar Express
Gmail: bipolarexpressride@gmail.com
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