- During the period of mood disturbance, three (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted (four if the mood is only irritable) and have been present to a significant degree.
- 1. inflated self-esteem or grandiosity
- 2. decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep)
- 3. more talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking
- 4. flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing
- 5. distractibility (i.e., attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli)
- 6. increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation
- 7. excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)
This may sound like fun or even a nice reprieve from the depressive side, but I promise you, this is pure Hell. If you didn't get it (because I didn't exactly say before), the symptoms in bold are the ones I usually get. Allow me to expand:
Decreased need for sleep is pretty straight forward. It's not necessarily insomnia, it's just that I don't need sleep. I can get two or three hours a night and be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed all day long. However, when I can't sleep, I don't have the luxury of being able to get up and do something since I still live at home. So instead, I toss and turn all night and get freakishly irritated at my lack of sleep.
Again, more talkative is straight forward. I tend to only talk when absolutely necessary, but when I'm manic, it's vocal vomit. Ask a simple question and you'll get a long answer along with anything else that comes to my head.
Racing thoughts are beyond annoying. It's like looking straight ahead at a passing train and trying to really see anything. It's all a blur. People often ask me what I think about, but I never have an answer. Imagine for a minute... There are thousands of sticky notes on that train. It's flying by at a hundred miles an hour. Now, try to grab just one sticky note.
Distractibility is probably the most anno
Psychomotor agitation is difficult for some to understand. It's not exactly a household phrase, so not understanding it is, well, understandable. It's basically useless movement. It's not getting you anywhere or anything; you're just moving. I've always had a problem with paper. Give me a piece of paper and you'll never see it again because I'll fold it, roll it, whatever. I recently got a worry stone on my therapist's advice. It helps. Really. A lot.
Pleasurable activities with potential painful consequences. Yeah, there are way more options than the examples they give. I promise. I used to go on spending sprees. That has gotten me in quite a bit of trouble, but I'm broke now and no one in their right mind will give me another credit card. Now I eat. I have a huge box of Goldfish that I've had for just over a week and it's already more than half gone. The Girl Scout cookies? Gone. Any candy in the house? Gone. The salads? Haven't touched them. Told ya I don't eat anything healthy!
This in and of itself isn't fun, but add my anxiety on top of it and you get someone who can't get herself dressed and out of the house, let alone work. I just can't. I tried today. I got up, showered, dressed, I even put on makeup and drove to the school, but when I got there, I couldn't make myself go in. I hate that. I love my job and those kids, but my stupid brain is keeping me from doing anything productive.
I know it's Tuesday, but I thought about writing this yesterday, so it counts.
"Manic Monday"~ The Bangles
No comments:
Post a Comment