For a very long time now, I've been the obligatory friend. If I call and you can't think of a good excuse fast enough, you hang out with me. If you think I can help you in any way, you might call, but probably not. If I offer help, you jump at it, say "we need to hang," and I don't hear from you until you need help again.
Sure, I've got friends I can text, but they're mostly in other states. The closest one is about half an hour away by freeway.
The last time I got invited to something besides someone's Facebook lash/jamberry/whatever-you're-selling party was a friend's wedding. That was four years ago. Side note: exception- I had a friend visiting from another state who invited me to hang every weekend she was here.
A few weeks ago, I helped out an old friend who needed something I had plenty of. As was expected, I got a "thanks" and a "we should get together" and then silence. Every other person who helps someone at least gets a public thank you on Facebook. The only time I get tagged in something is when I hijack my mom's page and tag myself.
I constantly see people talking about going to concerts, lunch, or movies and not once has anyone asked if I want to go. Side note: I'm literally sitting here crying while writing this. It hurts, more than people realize, and when something hurts that much, you start avoiding it. I've folded so far into myself that just the thought of talking to someone gives me a panic attack. Have I really been ignored so long that I no longer know how to interact with people?
Just once, I'd like someone to genuinely invite me to do something without me hinting that they should. No obligation, no ulterior motives.
I was thinking about this last night and actually got to a point where I was looking for inpatient facilities because my thoughts scared me so much. I texted the one person I knew who knows exactly how I feel, and like an opening in the clouds, he responded. I didn't know what to say when he asked if there was anything he could do because not many people genuinely ask me that, but he listened to (well, read) my senseless rants.
Most people have the mentality of, "I don't need to worry because someone else will," and that's how people like me wind up alone. It just takes one to say, "I got you."
Yes, this again. Maybe you'll listen to the words this time.
"What If"~ Five For Fighting
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