Point number one: watch what you say.
I've posted before about how my sister is the conductor of the judgment train, and this has been really getting to me the last couple of days. Thinking about it Monday night got me hyped up and Tuesday was far from a good day.
Now, the thing that got to me most was something she said the day she, my mom, and I went to the opera. No joke, she stepped out of her car, looked up at me, and started in on what I was wearing. "Are you really wearing that? People wear formals to this thing." Yes, yes they do, but this was a matinee and it's not like I was wearing jeans. I was wearing a nice shirt, nice skinny pants, and nice boots. My hair was done nicely, and I looked just fine according to everyone else. Now, she was also wearing pants along with her husband's tie and suit coat. Side note: if you're going to wear a waist belt at all, let alone one with tie strings that hang pretty low, don't wear a man's tie. It looks stupid. Umm... how was her outfit any better than mine? Oh yeah, because she's her, and I'm not.
I've never done anything that reaches her approval, and I never will. I can't tell if she's ridiculously narcissistic, or incredibly insecure. Either way, when she starts saying things like, "we need to get you married," or, "if you dressed a little nicer, you might attract a man," all I hear is, "you're not good enough."
I wish I could say that she was the only one whose words stab me, but the fact is, so many others who don't realize it have done the same. I had a friend who once told my boyfriend that I don't have a bathing suit because I have stretch marks. I had told her that in confidence, and she humiliated me. Another friend who I had told about my diagnosis before I really came out with it decided that it was okay to tell her husband. When I went to their house, I was completely bombarded. He was talking about it and all I could do was stand there in disbelief. Side note: if you've read my post Come Again?, (<-- that's a link), that's where I heard the, "I've never seen you be, you know, Bipolar."
Fact is, I've been torn down and betrayed by the people closest to me who are supposed to be the ones who care the most. And people wonder why I have trust issues...
"Smiling Faces Sometimes"~ The Undisputed Truth
Point number two: perpetuation of stigmas.
So many times I've talked about not blaming your mental illness for your actions, and it seems to go unnoticed. I was chatting with someone on Twitter last night and I thought I'd punch him when he said "I had a Bipolar freak out today." Are you serious?! No. You freaked out today, made people afraid of you, then blamed your circumstances instead of taking responsibility for your actions.
That's right, I just said that we need to take responsibility for our actions instead of blaming our circumstances. People are afraid of those with mental illnesses because of how we act and subsequently blame the illness.
The really irritating part is how it's addressed in the court system. Claim mental illness made you do it, get off with court mandated therapy.
Your Bipolar does not make you rude, hot tempered, or violent. That's all you. I am completely on my own, no medications at all, and I manage to not hit people. It's called decorum people; use it!
There are signs all over the classrooms I work in that say "You are responsible for you." If seven year old kids can understand this concept, it shouldn't be that difficult for adults.
"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month." - Theodore Roosevelt
Theodore sure had me pegged.
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