This was me today. I got scared, then angry (which I took out in a rather caustic post on Facebook), hate got into that post, and now I feel like crap.
I wish I could say that this was a rare occurrence, but when I get as angry as I did today, you can bet that I got scared out of my wits not long before.
Story: I went somewhere with my mother this morning (cryptic, I know). After a while, I had a bit of a sugar low and needed to leave to get something. Well, as I was walking out to the car, there was a man who was asking people for a lighter, and when people denied having one, he would get angry and start yelling. When I ignored him (since the only thing I could think to say was less than kind), he started shouting and following me! I practically ran to my car, got in, locked the door, and started going before I could put my belt on! When I returned to pick up my mother, there were three (maybe four) police cars and this man was in handcuffs.
I was shaking so badly that I could barely drive. I made my mom take over and I haven't been behind a wheel the rest of the day. She even had to drive me to my therapy appointment.
I guess that, when I get scared that badly, everything that has ever frightened me in my entire life floods my mind and my brain sends out an anger response.
On Facebook, I've been trying to do a "Daily Dose of Happy." A friend actually noticed this and gave me this song. I'm really liking it! Maybe it'll get me out of my funk.
"Sunshine"~ Matisyahu
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